Surrendering

Part of my preparation for returning to Arizona and embarking on the journey that I have begun in this lifestyle that I have diligently worked towards for the past decade involves many steps, one of which includes selling my van. This step is one of the biggest ones. The reason for this is so that I can fully embrace living full time in my RV, as well as using the RV as my daily transportation… and for all aspects of my life really. Additionally, I don’t want to tow the van for various reasons. One reason being the added expense that the additional weight would incur. Furthermore, I feel like I have my hands full with driving something so large across the country and through the mountains without the additional complication of pulling a vehicle behind me or dealing with loading and unloading my van every time I want to use it. Then there is the fact that my van cannot be towed without removing the u joints or loading it on a trailer. A trailer would also be very expensive, depleting my financial resources further. My van also isn’t fully paid for yet so there is a pretty big chunk of financial resources tied up in making payments, insuring and maintaining it every month. These are resources that I want desperately to regain and put towards my dream.

There have been ups and downs in this process. For starters, it seems that when you are selling something that people want you to give what you are selling away for free…or worse, pay them to take it off your hands! Most recently I had interest in my van from a business owner who uses the same exact type of van that I am trying to sell for his business vehicles. They don’t make my van anymore so as a result, this business owner buys them whenever he comes across them for work vehicles and/or spare parts. It seemed like it was a match made in heaven! The van had already been looked over by one of this man’s employees and we had one additional appointment set up to meet with his mechanic. Everything looked like it was marching smoothly towards my being van free and one step closer to my dream until I learned that I wasn’t going to receive the title for as many as 90 days after selling the vehicle. The business owner who was interested in buying my van wanted a title that same day and I can’t say as I blame him.

Another snag in the process was that I purchased this vehicle in Arizona and I am currently in Michigan. The van is financed with an Arizona bank and has an Arizona title. Arizona is currently three hours behind Michigan so I had to wait for the business day there to begin and then scramble to get all my phone calls in and sort this dilemma out prior to meeting the business owner at his bank. The finance company wasn’t being forthcoming with additional pertinent information that would have assisted towards making the transaction a possibility. I suspect that the reason for their unhelpful attitude has to do with they’d rather continue to milk the payments along earning interest. The Arizona MVD on the other hand, was much more helpful and pointed me towards two forms that I would need. A “Bill of Sale” form and a “Power of Attorney” form. These two forms allows a buyer to take possession of, register, insure and operate a vehicle until the title arrives. Should the title arrive and I neglect to turn it over to the buyer then the Power of Attorney form protects the buyer and gives them legal recourse to obtain a new title in their name. Learning this new information gave me hope where previously I was despairing that under the previous circumstances I might never sell the vehicle without paying it off myself first. However, it turns out that it was just too much and too complicated for the buyer and he backed out of the deal. I was devastated, frustrated and angry, not at the buyer, but at the circumstances. I can completely understand where he was coming from, but the circumstances were causing a battle to wage within me as I rode a full range of emotions.
In my mind the van had already been sold and my vision did not include my still owning and driving it beyond that day. It has been a little over a week now and I still have the van and am driving it daily. Not only that, but I had to break down and buy two new tires for it. (more financial resources gone…) That definitely didn’t fit in with my plan! And approximately three days after purchasing those tires one of them picked up a nail somewhere and began deflating every night. During the past week and a half my emotions have swung back and forth with each new occurrence as I have come to realize that God is directing me to surrender.

I read somewhere that the word surrender is actually a battle term. That makes perfect sense to me because each person’s life journey is about battling with the flesh in whatever circumstances that we might encounter along the way and growing as individuals. We accomplish self growth and personal development by going through difficult times. The circumstances that we encounter help to shape us, but our attitudes about our circumstances determine what kind of person we become. The definition of surrendering is to relinquish possession or control of something to another because of demand or compulsion. The more we surrender the more room we make for the holy spirit to fill our vessel and the more closely we resemble Christ. When I go through something difficult or don’t get my way in life, I have a choice about how I am going to react to that. Am I going to be a spoiled brat or am I going to buck up and accept that I don’t always get my way. My heavenly father loves me too much for that. He is more interested in that I become who he created me to be. And that’s just it, I’m not the creator of myself, God is. Therefore, God knows me better than I know myself. Sure, he allows me free will to surrender or not, but he doesn’t make the path easy. When I surrender I allow God to mold me and I glorify him in being the person that I was created to be.

There is a peace that can only be achieved through surrendering to Christ. I may not have sold my van when I wanted or when I thought it should have sold. But I need to trust that God has a plan and selling my van on that particular day to that particular person was not part of that plan. I need to trust that there is something greater and more rewarding just beyond the bend and God is steering me towards it. Arizona still waits. Being petulant or bitter won’t get me further along in my journey or achieve my dreams. God will provide everything that I need in his perfect timing so long as I trust in him to do it, but that means that I must surrender to his artistry and perfect timing. Surrendering is really about getting into agreement with God. So I will surrender myself and getting my way to his discretion. It isn’t always easy to let go and it takes repeated practice, but I will consciously and intentionally surrender like the unfurling of a clenched fist.

Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

 

Until next time, Live Authentic. Live Intentional. Pursue your dream. Live with purpose.

Live Authentic Live Intentional

 

 

 

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